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buffyfan76
08 août 2008 @ 12:20
Well I've changed my background on my laptop. Actually I added another picture beside it. I stole it off Jake's facebook. It's a closeup from one of HEA's concerts- I love it. <3 It makes me miss him, actually. I can't wait to see him again. Luckily it'll be sooner than he thinks. ;) Brooke and I are up to some conniving.
Yeah. I kinda have a boyfriend again. He's in a band and they're about to get signed, and wow, i can't be happier.
and it's strange, because I thought I would never be able to go through this again. Never. And a bit of me is scared of where it might end up- me in the pouring rain. but maybe it'll all be okay. maybe i'll be happy now.
i'm content with the way things wound up.
And for the first time in almost ever, i can say my boyfriend's hot, my boyfriend's talented, and my boyfriend's crazier about me than i am him.
and that feels wonderful. :)
 
 
Current Location: my bed
Humeur actuelle: chipperchipper
Musique actuelle: "Inevitable" Anberlin
 
 
buffyfan76
So I could relate to the first three songs... but not the deep level I was for the rest of these songs. I was totally utterly fine until this song [remember that some of the pronouns aren't really the same.... and fogive me for being lazy and confusing and NOT changing them, but oh well]:

"SHE WILL BE LOVED"
Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her

She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more


I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved


Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore


It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want


I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved


I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls


Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful


I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved


[in the background]
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

Yeah
[softly]
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain


Try so hard to say goodbye

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~So this song kept the tears in my eyes... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"TANGLED"
I'm full of regret
For all things that I've done
and said
And I don't know if it'll ever be ok to show
My face 'round here
Sometimes I wonder if I disappear

Would you ever turn your head and look
See if I'm gone
Cause I fear

There is nothing left to say to you
That you wanna hear
That you wanna know

I think I should go
The things I've done are way too shameful

You're just innocent
A helpless victim of a spider's web
And I'm an insect
Going after anything that I can get


So you better turn your head and run
And don't look back
Cause I fear

There is nothing left to say
To you
That you wanna hear
That you wanna know

I think I should go
The things I've done are way too shameful

[x2]
And I've done you so wrong
Treated you bad
Strung you along
Oh shame on myself
I don't know how I got so tangled up


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~This next song REALLY brought the tears.....~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The Sun"
After school
Walking home
Fresh dirt under my fingernails
And I can smell hot asphalt
Cars screech to a halt to let me pass
And I cannot remember
What life was like through photographs
Trying to recreate images life gives us from our past

And sometimes it's a sad song

But I cannot forget
Refuse to regret
So glad I met you
Take my breath away
Make everyday
Worth all of the pain that I have
Gone through

And mama I've been cryin'
Cause things ain't how they used to be
She said the battles almost won
And we're only several miles from the sun

Moving on down my street
I see people I won't ever meet
Think of her, take a breath
Feel the beat in the rhythm of my steps
And sometimes it's a sad song

But I cannot forget
Refuse to regret
So glad I met you
Take my breath away
Make everyday
Worth all of the pain that I have
Gone through

And mama I've been cryin'
Cause things ain't how they used to be
She said the battles almost won
And we're only several miles from the sun

The rhythm of her conversation
The perfection of her creation
The sex she slipped into my coffee
The way she felt when she first saw me
Hate to love and love to hate her
Like a broken record player
Back and forth and here and gone
And on and on and on and on


But I cannot forget
Refuse to regret
So glad I met you
Take my breath away
Make everyday
Worth all of the pain that I have
Gone through

And mama I've been cryin'
Cause things ain't how they used to be
She said the battles almost won
And we're only several miles...
She said the battles almost won
And we're only several miles from the sun

~~~~~~~~~~~And this one just spoke the truth about my life..... it brought tears, but not the tears the sun did....~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Must Get Out"
I've been the needle and the thread
Weaving figure eights and circles round your head
I try to laugh but cry instead
Patiently wait to hear the words you've never said


Fumbling through your dresser drawer forgot what I was looking for
Try to guide me in the right direction
Making use of all this time
Keeping everything inside
Close my eyes and listen to you crying


[Chorus:]
I'm lifting you up
I'm letting you down

I'm dancing til dawn
I'm fooling around
I'm not giving up
I'm making your love
This city's made us crazy and we must get out

This is not goodbye she said
It is just time for me to rest my head
She does not walk she runs instead

Down these jagged streets and into my bed

When I was
Fumbling through your dresser drawer forgot what I was looking for
Try to guide me in the right direction
Making use of all this time
Keeping everything inside
Close my eyes and listen to you crying


[Chorus]

There's only so much I can do for you
After all of the things you put me through


[Chorus x2]

I'm not giving up
I'm making your love
This city's made us crazy and we must get out
Tags: ,
 
 
Current Location: Back From UT Martin
Humeur actuelle: indescribableindescribable
Musique actuelle: Maroon 5
 
 
buffyfan76
01 octobre 2007 @ 23:14
so i'm doing a clearance of my myspace and had to save this stuff.

but i digress. here's an update. my last band hosting competition was last saturday and it ended amazingly... i had four guys actually come talk to me from my last band i guided, and i keep dreaming of one. i just found him on myspace... so i can't wait to see what'll come from that... maybe something, maybe nothing, maybe a good friendship. we'll see though.... :D

</form>
Which My Chemical Romance Member Is Your Romance? by ToRoTiMe
What is your name?
What is your age?
Who is your favorite member?
Your man is:Gerard
How much he will love you:..span style="color: #666;">31%</span>..tr><td style="background-color:#000000" height="5"></td><td style="background-color:#000000" height="5"></td><td style="background-color:#110000" height="5"></td><td style="background-color:#220000" height="5"></td><td style="background-color:#440000" height="5"></td><td style="background-color:#660000" height="5"></td><td style="background-color:#880000" height="5"></td><td style="background-color:#AA0000" height="5"></td><td style="background-color:#CC0000" height="5"></td><td style="background-color:#EE0000" height="5"></td><td style="background-color:#FF0000" height="5"></td><td style="background-color:#FF0000" height="5"></td>
What he will say after you guys first time:You'll be the best memory I ever have.
How long are you guys together:Until he dies


</form>
Which My Chemical Romance Band Member will marry you? by mychemromance67
Your name?
Your age?
Favorite My Chemical romance song?
Member that loves uGerard Way
When u will get marriedOctober 19, 2012
How long the marriage will last..20


The Buffy Episode That Defines You!!
by escapist_xbq
Username
Age
Riley: better dead or alive?
Slash: yes or no?
It must be bunnies . . .Becoming, pt. 2
Quiz created with MemeGen!


Your Buffy quote by norwegianne
Name
Hobby:
Buffy says:Casualties. It just sounds so... casual
Quiz created with MemeGen!


Your Buffy episode!!!!(for girls) by googelee
Name
Eye color
Favorite Character
Your loverRiley
Your best friendWillow
Your enemyFaith
Your sidekickHarmony
You and...Your enemy
...Dance to loud music
in the...High school
because...Giles cleaned his glasses
in the end...Giles cleans his glasses
Quiz created with MemeGen!


Which Harry Potter Male Character do you have a secret lust for? by k157
Name
Age
Who?Ron Weasley
Now that we have that, what will you do about it?Marry Him
How will he respond?He gives you a uhm... Hug
Quiz created with MemeGen!



Twilight by Stephenie Meyer: Which character are you?




You're Bella Swan:You're Bella Swan. Your life has recently changed drastically, and you've discovered yourself in a new town. You're very beautiful, but don't believe you are. You're a bit shy, but you can be brave. You value the one you love above everything else, and would die if anything happened to him . You're have a forbidden love, with mystery and danger. If you don't have this yet, you'll probably find it. You'll have your own little cinderella story.You're best qualities: Smart, brave, caring.You're worst qualites: Uncertain, a bit shy...You're best feature: Your eyes.
Take this quiz!





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Tags:
 
 
Humeur actuelle: optimisticoptimistic
 
 
buffyfan76
26 juillet 2007 @ 23:53
This might just be my best day in HOL history.
I've finally got my first trophy in the arcade!!! Oh, yeah!!!!

I know that might SEEM really lame... but after months and months of hard labor and stress-relief, to know I have finally earned a trophy [after it almost didn't save my high score] is like a dream come true. That made my day. I'm so excited.

And I realize this Eddie guy will probably come in again and take it right away from me... which is really sad and will proabably make me opposite of happy, but for now...

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I finally HAVE A TROPHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Wee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Plus. Gryff groups have been updated so i'm now a registered FOURTH YEAR!!!!!! I wanted to see if I've been changed on HOL... but for some strange reason I can't access it... I wonder if it's an everyone thing or a just me thing.... but the only thing that bugs me about being a fourth year is that none of the fourth year pics are working. you know, where it has the pick of the lion/dragon looking thing? that's bugging me a lil bit.... mine isn't working, nor is any other fourth years.... [the few of us there are....]

This was very HOL-rific. But like I said, this is a VERY important day in my HOL-ness. *nods*
 
 
Current Location: Gryff Common Room
Humeur actuelle: ecstaticecstatic
Musique actuelle: "Not Big" by Lily Allen
 
 
buffyfan76
28 juin 2007 @ 21:17
So. Jacob came home today. A day earlier than expected. So I've talked to him. Like thirty minutes. *eyeroll* 
I'm waiting on him to get onto the computer. I guess we'll see.
And then the next time we see each other... goodness might ensue.
So I'm so excited.
And happy.

So I'm still on my first book for AP4. This is a really weird book. lol. It's called Madame Bovary. It's kinda good, but it's so jumpy around with point of views and there's so many characters that are easy to forget their names and that makes it confusing. *nods* And to think I have five more to go after this one... I might never get around to reading Harry Potter 7.....

So yeah. The point of this was to say yay my Jacob's back.

Go me.



LiveJournal is so boring when no one replies to your posts. When no one is there to read them...................



Makes me miss the ex-bests the most. Or at least one.
But I know I can't trust them. I mean, I gave them so many opportunities, forgave them so many times and they STILL talked about me, thinking I couldn't hear them? I know I can't give in and let it go.
But is it so horrible to miss my Slayer Sister? I thought we'd be Slayer Sisters forever. I've been contemplating whether to wish her a happy birthday or not. I just don't know. And no one's going to read this, so I don't have anyone to give me their opinion. 
I mean the list is SO long for both of them. INDIVIDUALLY.
And some days I so feel so empty without them.

Even if they obviously don't care about me, I still care about them. I just wish I could go like go back to the way things were a year ago with them. I was in such a good place with both of them last year. Of course I wouldn't change anything else in my life. 'Cept maybe add Troy to the list. I really wish he and I could be friends. I wish those things could be blinked away. I wish Andrew wasn't a jerk. But I don't wish to be with him. I wish I meant something to the two of them. I mean, what does it mean when best friend two and three go from the bestest friends ever to ex-bests? How could they talk about me, thinking I'm stupid enough not to know it?
She said she "tried" to find out why I'm "mad" at her. If she had "tried" she would know I'm not mad. I'm disappointed. Hurt. Heartbroken. Not mad. If she had "tried" she would have come here. This was our place. 

I just don't understand. She used to be as into Buffy as I am. Yet she mouthed behind my back, in front of my FACE how ridiculously obsessed I was. 
She said I didn't deserve to be BETA prez. I worked my BUTT off for BETA this year. She said that being like fifteen feet away from me. Like I couldn't hear her. After she supported my running for BETA V-P at Convention. She gave me a hug and told me I looked pretty and that I'd do amazing. She just knew it. And honestly that was one out of two times she really was supportive of me in the last semester. And that's so sad. I used to be able to tell her everything. 

She's hurt me so badly... and I KNOW I'm gonna have to make a decision by Brooke's party. 'Cause she'll prolly be there and she'll start something with me.

If Brooke even invites me.

Why does everyone hate me again?

If any chance anyone's reading this in the next two days, and I know that probably the Ligers would be the only ones, what do you think?
I need an outsider's point of view and no outsiders to opinionate.

I'm screwed.
 
 
Musique actuelle: "Where Did I Go Right?" by Hilary Duff
 
 
 
buffyfan76
25 juin 2007 @ 20:53
I know this is gonna be annoying. But I'm doing it anyways.
Holy WOW Kelly knows how it is. lol. Her new CD is amazing. I can't wait till the b-day so I can get it!!!
Three more freaking days until Jacob comes back. Three more I have to bear!
Today was good. I spent it cleaning. Watching music videos. The norm of me. I should probably be reading. But you know how that goes.
I think we're going swimming tomorrow. That'll help take my thoughts off of Jacob's homecoming.
GAWD I'm so excited.
Or how Annii wrote.... "Gash." That was funny.
But no kidding aside, I really am excited. Then the almost-boyfriend will be THE boyfriend and that'll make me happy. Like major.
Plus he's like my best friend. Seriously. So I'll have someone to talk to twenty-four-seven again. 
He's such a good boy.... 

I've done quite a bit of cleaning today. There's so much I wanna do to my room.... but Mom and Dad won't help. lol. Like I need someone to put up my picture from... I think it's Thailand. Or maybe it's Japan. Or China. I don't remember. It's one of the three. Daddy's always going over there. So yeppers.
Mesa=bored.
Back to what I wanna do with my room. I want to take one of my desks and find some sticker-y adhesive colors... like maybe a light blue? and attach it to my desk along with sheet music. I think that'd be cool. I want to take gold paint and draw designs on the walls. I want to get a new poster to replace Mary-Kate and Ashley because they are no longer inspiring. And last, and certainly not least, I WANT TO FINALLY HANG UP MY THREE MASKS!!!! If only I knew how....

So this is randomness. I know. And pretty wasteful being that no one reads here. But that's cool. *nods*

I think I'm gonna go snoop around on Xanga.
 
 
Humeur actuelle: determineddetermined
Musique actuelle: "Irvine" by Kelly Clarkson
 
 
buffyfan76
27 mai 2007 @ 18:44

So I s'pose it will appear as if this is my first time writing here. It isn't. I just had the rest of it blocked so that one of my best friends could see it.  I'm only now making it public and changing things because A.) they're not my best friend any more and B.) Toffee Tigers have decided we're making an alumni thingamabober here and I s'pose I should write something the general public can see. 
So let's see. Me, me, me. I'm a high school senior, as of two nights ago. I'm in band, newspaper, and Beta Club. I ran for Tennessee State Vice-Presidency this past year, but I didn't win. : ( But I'm prez of my school's Beta regardless, which pretty much rocks. [\o/] Cause I got some big plans for Beta and I can't wait to show them I AM a leader. In band I'm flute section leader, this year will be my second year under that position. In my school's newspaper, I'm the news editor this coming year, what that means I really don't know. 
I'm OBSESSED with Buffy. [obviously... look at this page!!!] I quote quite often. My fave movies are mostly musicals or movies with strong female roles. [I'm a feminist] I LOVE Tudor England... that family fascinates me... and Queen Elizabeth I is my role model. Bands consist of MY Chemical Romance, The Killers, Maroon 5, and The Academy Is.... [in that order]. I love Kelly Clarkson... and Hilary Duff is pretty cool too. I LOVE British singers like Mika and Lily Allen as of late. 

So I guess that gets rid of the boring stuff. So. My life. Is CRAZY as of late. Since I let the "love of my life" leave me eight months ago, I have just only gotten over him last Wednesday when I realized the boy I'm in love with is gone. A stranger has taken over him. I've lost two of my best frends this following year, and realized who's real and who isn't. I'm technically single, yet technically taken. By an ex of mine who is simply amazing. He's a genius, musically, educationally, maybe period. He's got the same sense as I through romance... let's just say we're a lot alike. When we dated it didn't work out cause I was still in love with afore-mentioned boy and thought I could get him back. Basically I wasn't ready for a relationship yet. I think Jacob still thinks I'm not, which is why he's with me without officially being with me. Yet I'm starting to helplessly fall for him... he's such a great guy, Jacob. A junior, but that's okay. Because he's so amazing... and much maturer than any of the boys at my school, 'specially from the class of 2008. [since all the good ones are taken] And since he doesn't want to date me, I can't tell him I'm falling for him. Not yet. You see, he's heading off to Australia for three weeks in about two weeks, and I've got this letter I'm writing him so he can take a piece of me with him. And basically it tells him I'm falling for him. So either I have three weeks before he crushes my heart to pieces or three weeks for him to realize he could love me too. So we'll see!!! And on top of my friendships and whatever, there's school. I've worked my BUTT off this year for school. I took two AP classes [and exams] and I'm hoping to at least pass AP US History so I will NEVER have to take that class for an entire year AGAIN. I've never worked so hard in school... so I'm glad I didn't have a guy because it would have gotten in the way of all the things I've done. I'm constantly busy doing something... and even with the fact that summer starts in three days, I'm gonna be busy all summer with a job and then band. So I've pretty much come to the realization I'm never gonna get a week where I can sit around and do nothing AGAIN.

Welcome to adulthood, I s'pose.

But this year, I've learned so much. So much has effected me. I now know why I can't make a relationship work, and I think it's something I can fix soon.

Tags:
 
 
Current Location: In My Mind
Humeur actuelle: curiouscurious
Musique actuelle: "Smile" by Lily Allen
 
 
buffyfan76
25 janvier 2007 @ 20:59
So. Things are all right. AP English is pretty awesome. Honors Algebra, ehh. It's alright. I could do better, I could do worse. APUSH... I'm working my butt off all week long for that, but if it helps me pass, it's worth it. Band is doing so much better. You have no clue. Spear actually let me play my piccolo the other day!!!
Again I have managed to piss off someone close to me. I barely said a word to anyone today to fix things and I still managed to piss them off. So I really dunno what's going on there, or what to do. It's weird, I oughta get used to it by now, but every time it's like it's harder than the last. Makes me wonder why I even talk period if I'm just gonna piss everyone off, or push them away. I don't know what to do anymore. So I'm just concentrating on my studies and HOL... the Liger girls have been nothing but awesome to me since I joined them again to hang out and help with the story. Even got some stripes, so woo-hoo. Maybe I can get some awards or something. I'm working my butt off on flute again. Today was the first day I haven't practiced after school since Monday. I just didn't feel like it today what with homework and all. This is the chapter mentioning feminism in APUSH, which really excites me. Did I mention I'm cold? lol. Tomorrow is blue and white day. I think I've got it figured out what I'm gonna wear. I wanted to wear my Devils' Advocate pajama pants, but Mom got mad. "WEARING YOUR PAJAMA PANTS TO SCHOOL IS STUPID AND TACKY!!!" she screamed. That's my mom for you. But I love her. She's been really on edge these last several days... she misses Dad and she's worried about Joshua, who has been sick for several days. I miss Daddy too, but he'll be coming home from Asia sometime this weekend. When depends on whether he has to go back to Bejjing or not. I'm selling tickets for our band Valentine's Dance... I wanna sell enough so the parents don't have to pay anything, but so far no one wants to go. So Idk. I guess we'll see if I can sell any this next week! I'll have to sell 17 to go free. And on top of 6 boxes of chocolate to go free on the Beta Convention... I'll become quite the salesgirl. I hope.
Tomorrow the first issue of the Devils' Advocate comes out. Well, first issue for me that I'll be sad. Because I'm not on the staff this semester and that makes me sad. I miss the paper so much, and I can't wait to take it all year next year, go for assistant editor. So there's some hopes and whatnot....
We watched DCI today in band. And it took me forever to remember why I love marching band. This year has been so hard... that I've forgotten what makes it so good. I just pray next year will be better; I don't want to leave thinking...... "......now.... why did I do marching band again?" I want to leave knowing I wasn't wasting my time, since I won't do it in college. I can't. Most colleges don't take my instrument. Plus, after this year, Idk if I can take another four years after this last one...
So life continues to move forward. Idk what the future holds, but for right now, I'm fighting to make my life better. That's all I can do, ya know?
Tags:
 
 
Humeur actuelle: coldcold
Musique actuelle: "Disenchanted" by My Chemical Romance
 
 
buffyfan76
18 janvier 2006 @ 09:13
This is the private post.... I found out Crystal had Xanga and don't want her knowing.... I don't WANT her sympathy....... so here it is:

He dumped me.

You know.... all I've heard him say this last month is, "I'm never going to leave you. I'll never do that. Because I realize what I have and I'm not going to lose that."

He lied. He lied to my face. I trusted him with my entire heart and soul and he LIED TO ME.

He dumped me not even TWO WEEKS AFTER he gave me that Claddaugh ring.

He looked at me and said, "I want that to be our promise ring."

And I agreed.

Yeah, well, guess who broke the fucking promise? And I'm sorry for the language, but this is what I feel.

I feel like crying an entire ocean.... making an entire flood across the entire world with my own tears.

Because the one person who told me he'd always be there, that he'd never leave me, that he'd be my everything LEFT.

How the hell are you supposed to feel when someone you love so much lies to you EVERY DAY for the past TEN MONTHS?!?!??!?!?

I mean, he said it's not me, it's him. That he loves me.

How am I even supposed to believe that?

I mean.... I was going to hold on. I knew we'd get past this problem. Because I believed in our love. I believed that we'd make it through, that our love would last a lifetime. I believed that we'd get past it and I was ready to fight for it.

Obviously I don't mean that much to him.

And he's probably going to read this and yell at me.

I can't take this pain..... he left. He left when he swore to me he wouldn't. He gave me a fucking promise ring!! You don't give someone a promise ring and dump them not even two weeks later!

And I think he's really gone....

He lied to me. He told me that it wasn't me, it was him and he was confused and he didn't want to drag me along.

But he told Mortari the opposite. He told her that our relationship wasn't the same and so he was going to dump me. That's basically saying it's my fault, not his.

I just feel like everything he ever said was a lie...... and that he never loved me.

How could he love me and do this when he said he'd never break my heart?

I gave him my heart and soul willingly. And now I don't have a heart, a soul, someone to live for anymore.

I hate love so much right now..... why fall in love if it's just going to hurt and hurt and hurt and hurt and hurt in the end?

I've cried so many tears for this guy.... so why doesn't it seem like he even cares about me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Break My Heart- Hilary Duff

Someone always gets their heart stomped to the ground
This is what I say everytime I look around
I never thought that this would happen to me
I never thought I'd end up this way
And now that you're through with me
Don't know what to do with me
I guess I'm on my own again
Like I'm some kinda enemy
Never a friend to me
Remember when you used to say
This will always be the same

Why don't you
Break my heart
Watch me fall apart you see
I'm falling apart
Look what you're doing to me

Now I try to get my heart up off the ground
My confidence is gone
Happiness cannot be found
Look what you did to me
You got the best of me
And now I'm stuck with all the rest
Things will never be the same

Why don't you
Break my heart
Watch me fall apart you see
I'm falling apart
Look what you're doing to me

All I ever wanted
I had it with you in my arms
It started with you
And ended with me
All I ever needed
Left me standing here alone
It started with you
And ended with me

Break my heart
Watch me fall apart, you see
I'm falling apart
Look what you're doing to me

(Why don't you?)
Break my heart
Break my heart
Break my heart
Break my heart
Break my heart.....
 
 
buffyfan76
15 novembre 2005 @ 16:11
Hey, Mortari.
God, I might as well just start writing you notes. But I guess this is safer.
My world... *sighs.* I dunno. I don't have a world. Anymore, at least. My world is someone else's....
Anyways... I'm not adressing that. I'm here to talk about Chris.
I'm confused. I get a call last night from him and he's all "The only reason I'm with you is to make you happy." And today he adds "Because I love you." Then, when I started to get upset, he added, "I need you."
Is it just me? Or is that not what a relationship is about?
He doesn't try... he just sits around and doesn't talk to me... there's only a touchy-feely part... no talk-y parts or anything like that.
I don't know what to do.
Who to trust... what to believe.
Most of all.... I feel that EVERYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF THAT BOY'S MOUTH IS A LIE. The biggest BS ever. I just don't know if he really wants me and needs me like he says he does.
Moreover, I just THINK HE WANTS A GIRLFRIEND.
And how is that supposed to make me feel?
I just don't know what to do.
 
 
Humeur actuelle: confusedconfused
Musique actuelle: "I Hate Myself for Losing You" By Kelly Clarkson